Thursday, December 20, 2007
Metah Geah Sold: The Secret Scripts
The following will only be funny for people who have played Metal Gear Solid. "Terrorist have taken over Holy Mozes Island. They're demanding that the government turn over the stinking, smelly, hairy, rotten remains of Big Daddy-O. They say that if their demands are not met, they'll launch a nuclear weapon." "Your mission is to infiltrate. O yeah, and while you're at it bring some woopers! Ohh, and Sniper doesn't want meat on it. A vegetarian burger perhaps..." Cambell: "We'll launch a one-man SDV..." Snake: "What's an SDV?" Cambell: "Don't know but it sounds cool!" Snake: "Sounds boring..." "There are six members of FOX-HOUND involved in a romantic relationship. Psycho Mantis, with his powerful... Ehr... 'Abilities'. He went to deep into the 'dark side'." Cambell: "Sniper Wolf, the beautifull, the hot, the beautifull..." Snake: "Ehr... You allready said that colonel...?" Cambell: "O yeah. Well..." "Decoy Octopus, master of disguise. Fits any shape you like, or at least for Wolf he did... Playing dressing up is his fav game." "Vulcan Raven, the beautifull and h... O no, that was Wolf, ehr..." "And Revolver Ocelot, specialist in bondage and likes leather." Cambell: "And finally, in charge of them... FOX-HOUND's squad leader, Liquid Snake." Snake: "Liquid Snake?" Cambell: "The man with the same code name as you. He likes his woopers with cheese." "And well Wolf... Wolf is a..." Snake: "Colonel, can you hear me?" Cambell: "Wait a minute Snake, I got my wife on another line. I'll put you on hold..." Cambell: "This is Mei Ling. She designed your underwear so it won't freeze. Contact her if you have any questions about them." Mei Ling: "Nice to meet you, Snake." Snake: "If it weren't for your underwear, my mojo would've turned into a popsicle out there." Mei Ling: "Anti-freezing boxers, Snake. All of the Genome Soldiers in this exercise are using it." Snake: "I see. I'm relieved to hear that. Already tested, huh? But will these underpants... Well...?" Mei Ling: "Snake, in China they say 'Use toilet'. Man get smelly underpants if he not relieve himself in proper place... And the guards will smell him.'." Snake: "I can't just knock on the door and ask them to let me in." Cambell: "Snake, use the vent." Snake: "On second thought, knocking on the door wasn't such a bad idea..." Mei Ling: "Snake, listen to what Lao-Tze said..." Snake: "I dont wanna know!" "Snake, this is McDonell Miller. You still owe me 500 bucks." Mei Ling: "In China, they say..." Snake: "Fuck China! I'll never go there!" Snake: "Naomi, the Chief! What happened!?" Naomi: "I...I don't know. It looked like a post orgasmic death syndrome, but we won't be able to tell for sure without doing an autopsy." Snake: "Gray Fox... Colonel, that Ninja is Gray Fox. No doubt about it." Cambell: "Are you sure?" Snake: "No but it says so in the script." Snake: "So why'd you change? You'd be a lot better off dressed like one of them." Meryl: "...I got tired of disguising myself. The truth is... the uniform smelled like blood..." Snake: "Ohw, so you're having your period...?" Otacon: "Do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield?" Snake: "Oh believe me I make love everywhere..." "This is the voicemail of Roy Cambell, please leave a message after the beep..." Fox: "Snake, we're not tools of the government or anyone else! Fighting was the only thing... the only thing I was good at, but... At least I always fought for what I believed in... Snake... farewell." Snake: "Fox, shut up! You're so melodramatic... I don't need your problems!" Liquid: "Die!!" Liquid: "Foolish man. He prayed for death... and it found him." Snake: "Thanks Liquid! He was starting to get on my nerves." Normal blogging will continue later today.